Fox News has just reported that former Vice President Dick Cheney has applied for a job with the Obama Administration.
“I’ve been hearing a lot about Death Panels in regard to the President’s health care plan,” Cheney was quoted as saying. “I’m currently unemployed and I think I could do a darn good job running any government function with the word death in it. After all, Death is my middle name.”
Fred Armistad, Cheney’s counselor at the Washington, D.C. unemployment office, thinks it would be a good fit. “I’ve seen his Kenyan birth certificate,” Armistad noted, “and his middle name really is Death. His only competition is probably former Governor Sarah Palin. If she can shoot a wolf from a helicopter, then some old dude in a wheelchair should be easy pickings.”
Former VP Cheney laughs off the suggestion of competition for this plum job. “If you have any questions about my expertise in this area,” Cheney added, “just ask … oh, wait … they’re all dead. But you can get a reference from that guy I shot in the face.”
In other news, CBS reported today that The Late Show with David Letterman trounced The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien in the important Cranky-Geezers-Over-60 demographic.