Subject: Advice for upcoming debates
If Bill Clinton is in the audience, don’t let Melania sit anywhere near him.
Your hands will look bigger the closer you hold them to the camera.
Early in the debate, mention — in a sarcastic way — that if a second amendment patriot is in the audience … now would be a good time. Then duck!
Be sure to call Hillary the “c” word at least once. “C” stands for Communist. (No, it doesn’t.) Yes, it does. (No, it doesn’t.)
Look Hillary up and down and say “If you look up ‘cockblock’ in the dictionary, you’ll find a photo of Hillary.”
If Gretchen Carlson or Meghan Kelly is a moderator, tell them that Roger Ailes is going to send them a dickpic as soon as he can find it under all that fat.
Fart loudly and quickly point to Hillary.
Try not to think about Ivanka in a bikini.
When you can’t think of an answer to a question, make something up. It always works.