Monthly Archives: October 2011

The Borowitz Report: Urgent Warning

Libyan Government Warns NYPD to Exercise Restraint

Urges NATO Action to Protect American Dissidents

TRIPOLI (The Borowitz Report) – As arrests mounted in the Occupy Wall Street protest in New York City, Libya’s National Transitional Council (NTC) issued a stern statement today warning the NYPD to exercise restraint.

“The Libyan transitional government regards any attempt to infringe upon the American protesters’ right to express themselves as a violation of international standards of free speech and liberty,” the Libyan statement read.  “We will not sit idly by and watch this happen.”

Libyan government officials also hinted that if the arrests continue, it would consider forming a NATO coalition “to ensure the safety and security of the American people.”

While it did not state it as an explicit goal, insiders believe that if the arrests continue Libya may seek the ouster of New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg, whose whereabouts remain unknown.

Perhaps in response to the Libyan statement, the U.S. State Department today responded with a statement of its own: “The United States is one hundred percent opposed to the suppression of popular uprisings as long as they aren’t happening here.”