Monthly Archives: March 2011

David Letterman Top Ten Win #1

First #10 … then #6 … and #5 … now #1. I can retire.

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR NEIGHBOR HAS MARCH MADNESS

10.  Slam dunks his donuts (Rollin B., Fresno, CA)

9.  He can spell Coach K’s last name correctly (John C., Cincinnati, OH)

8.  Dr. Drew upgraded his condition to Jimmermania (Shello O., Orem, UT)

7.  Willing to admit he attended Wofford (Lewis S., Joplin, MO)

6.  So compulsive, even bets on the NAACP (Joe F., Scottsdale, AZ)

5.  He cuts his picks into his and your lawn (Jacob S., Colliers, WV)

4.  Does yard work in finely pressed Oxford shirt — wait, that’s starch madness (Donald C., Durham, NC)

3.  He’s seeing a bracketologist three times a week (Gary L., Hauppauge, NY)

2.  Refers to sex with the wife as “buzzer beater” (Gavin B., Arlington, VA)

1.  Your neighbor is Charlie Sheen (also works for April Madness, May Madness, June Madness …) (Tom G., Rancho Mirage, CA)

Another David Letterman Top Ten Win

I’m getting closer. First I got a #10 … then a #6 … now I’ve achieved a #5.

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU BOUGHT A BAD TABLET COMPUTER

10.  It moans every time you use the touchscreen (Dave L, Salt Lake City, UT)

9.   Windows come pre-crashed (Chuck P, Sterling, IL)

8.  The instruction manual includes directions to the local hospital (Daniel T, New York, NY)

7.  The Apple logo has a worm crawling out of it. For real. (Joseph P, St. Louis, MO)

6.  You fall asleep on the bus and no one steals it (Milt J, Seattle, WA)

5.  It’s powered by a ten-pound diesel engine (Tom G, Rancho Mirage, CA)

4.  Your emails must be picked up at the Post Office before 5 PM (Billy G, Collierville, TN)

3.  The built-in camera is a Polaroid (SCJ, Boston, MA)

2.  Dissolves in water (Joe F, Scottsdale, AZ)

1.  Brand: Crapple (Scott S, Mounds View, MN)